i know i'm not the only person who's ever felt this way... but, sometimes, it just gets so hard to remember that i have friends and family who love me, when i'm feeling as disconnected as i am right now. it usually doesn't even happen for any good reason; say, going a day (OHNOES a whole day) without talking to the people closest/most important to me. i start to wonder how important i really am in their lives, or other similarly senseless ideas along those lines. i'm normally a very secure person, but i still go through small bouts like this every so often. thankfully they tend to be brief. i think social traumas during my formative years are in no small way responsible for these episodes.
somewhat related, it's times like this that my envy for those of you in secure, happy relationships is strongest. i really, truly believe & agree with georges sand
that "[t]here is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." i completely and utterly buy into the idea that if you have that sort of foundation in your life, you can achieve/overcome anything. basically, the thing i want most out of life is someone who will love me wholly who i can love the same in return, who i can trust completely and who would never choose to do anything that would hurt me, with whom communication will always be open and free... to be the last thought on the other person's mind before falling asleep and the first thought upon waking up, and vice versa. why am i such a hopeless romantic? also, how did i end up such a stalwart optimist, even despite the ways in which i've been lied to or had my trust broken? it's kind of amazing.
i wasn't sure whether to lock this entry for comments, or to make it friends-only, but, eh....fuckit.